25 January, 2019


There is a collective memory for humanity. Once in a while, when we see something randomly, when we watch a scene in a movie, when we listen to a certain song, or when we are in nature, in most unexpected moments, we remember it. We don't necessarily remember this like a memory from our childhood. We remember this as a feeling, as a sad tingling in our hearts, as a feeling of loss that we almost lost our hope of finding it again. It makes us feel homesick. It makes us half-remember something that went really bad a long, long time ago. We deeply feel that we want to make it right, but we feel helpless like nothing has worked.

This half-remembrance awakens when we see a couple hugging each other by a lake.

It awakens when we watch someone from the back as she walks in the field touching through the tips of the flowers.

And it awakens when we watch someone’s feet while she is walking on the beach, alone, when everyone else is at home sleeping.

Deep down, we know what we forgot is the most important aspect of living this life. Sometimes we find that longing in art. Sometimes we catch it on the edge of the lips of a smiling child. Sometimes, it is a tear in painting that makes us think again. But like a dream we forgot, we continue our days and get used to living in this homesick state.

And I am writing in tears tonight because now I remember. Because I remembered what this forgotten past is. As I was learning to translate my feelings into words, suddenly, it came to me. It came with so much power that I wanted to cry with all my being.

What we can’t remember is how it all started. What we can’t remember is how we separated our oneness into two beings to experience our own creation.

In this region of the galaxy, we were testing our new creation. We created our first construct. At first, we only had a lake, a mountain, and trees. This is the reason we all want to live in that mountain cabin by the lake. We polarized our being into male and female bodies. We designed our bodies large at first – more than 10 ft (3 m) tall. At first there was only one couple. Helios and Vesta they were. They were the Alpha and Omega of this creation. And humanity as we know it, are the children of them.

There were no animals in the beginning. The first trees they created were Tamarisk Trees. Then they created flowers. They placed flowers into trees. They looked like peach and cherry blossoms. They placed little sparkles like stars inside the blossoms. Later they designed flowers. They gave smells to flowers. Slowly, one by one, living and enjoying and experiencing each creation, they added more flowers into our creation.

They played games with each other as one being in two bodies. They felt the longing for each other and enjoyed touching each other, finding each other by their side. They got into the lake and swam, they walked in their creation naked. Then they created birds that came to them. They created wolves.

While the whole purpose of life was to experience the creation, what happened next changed everything. As a result, experiencing life on Earth became painful. War consciousness took over the creation. The powerful ones ruled those weaker – most often via the use of brutal force. And the balance was severely destroyed.

Much like the feelings evoked in this composition by Bach, we found ourselves in this infinite loop of sadness. While our life force, like the beating rhythm, kept going lifetime after lifetime, we played this sad game described in the melody. Sometimes life got better, but always it was like being in a relationship with a narcissist; we only received the minimum amount of love, always with empty promises that things would improve. This pattern has affected all human relationships, which is why each time we fell in love, it didn’t take long to suffer from a broken heart.

But now, like the dove descending into the holy grail, the innocence of pure creation is returning. The Christ Consciousness is coming back to us in our lowest moment. Embrace the white horse. Because the lack we feel constantly, the missing piece is coming back to us as we take the ride with him into the innocence.

As I remember where it started, I want to leave this war zone. I want to go to the center of the quasicrystal where all wrongs are made right. It is where I left my essence, my innocence. That center is my ABBA, it is my MANNA. It is the place fire meets the water. It is the START and the END.

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